JOB 2:11-13 – “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

THEME OF THE DAY: QUALITIES IN A TRUE FRIEND.   If we were reading the Old Testament book of Job for the first time and came across today’s portion, our immediate response about those guys visiting Job would be, “What great friends!”  And they were initially . . . but not soon afterwards.  However, we may look at them at the beginning and identify some excellent qualities of being a true friend.  And before we list them, we need to make a distinction.  We may think we have a lot of friends, but I would argue we actually have a lot of acquaintances we mistake for friends.  Let me explain and do so first with a quote from Michael A.G. Haykin’s book Iron Sharpens Iron: Friendship and the Grace of God.  He wrote,

“Modern culture in the West is not one that provides great encouragement for the nurture and development of deep, long-lasting, satisfying friendships. Such friendships take time and sacrifice, and the West in the early twenty-first century is a busy, busy world that, generally speaking, is for more interested in getting and possessing than sacrificing and giving. Moreover, during the course of the twentieth century, popular Western culture developed an obsession with individual selfhood and sexual desire that marginalized friendship.”

Haykin states three requirements that define a friend over an acquaintance – time, sacrifice, and giving.  We now look at Job’s friends who model these qualities in a true friend, and then some.

First, a true friend is aware of needs in their friend – “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him”. They were not so wrapped in their lives they were oblivious to the needs of others.

Next, a true friend makes himself or herself available and that without delay – “they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him”. Availability matters and is timely.  This means a true friend will rearrange personal schedules and agendas to be there for a hurting friend.  And such sacrifice will always be inconvenient.

A third quality of a true friend is the proper motivation to help a friend in need. It is the motivation of love shown by evidence of love – “They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him”.  Whether a person needs a comforting presence, a sympathetic ear, or help in resolving the issue at hand, it should all be freely given with love.

The fourth quality in a true friend is the offering of a listening ear not a self-serving, advice-giving tongue – “And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great”.  We don’t always have to speak into the hurt of our friend.  Some of the best comfort we may give is a listening ear.  Don’t be quick to talk to a hurting brother or sister. Listen more than talk.

Qualities of a good friend – awareness of needs, making oneself available, be loving, and don’t always feel the need to give advice.   It is not difficult to see the difference between a true friend and an acquaintance.  May the Lord help us to be the former in our relationships with other believers.

PRAYER: Father, teach me how to be a true friend to Your people, not a mere acquaintance.

REFLECTION:  Biblical friendship is always motivated by love, sacrificial, and models the Lord Jesus.